Divine Disaster

Him: 
I could use a calming influence in my life.

Me:
I'm about as calming as a tornado.

Him: 
I know.. I'm not saying you'll be the calming influence, I'm saying you'll be there, so I'll be calmer.

Me:
That's like saying I don't believe in God or anything, but having the statue around makes me feel secure.

Him (after a pause):
Yeah.

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