Summons

Him:

Ei. It wasn't domestic abuse and all. I wanted your attention. I went 'tsk, tsk,' you didn't turn around. Then I went 'whistle, whistle,' you still didn't turn around. THEN I went 'tsch, tsch,' still you didn't. So I had to throw that slipper at you.

Khan-dani Capers

Him

(scratching at his stubble)

Fugga-fugga-fugga. That's what Genghis Khan would say. Fugga-fugga-fugga. That'd be his mating call. If this is going on your blog, I'd like it noted that I did the action with it. The action of pulling at his wispy beard. Also, don't put this on your blog. It's not as brilliant if you can't hear the sound. Fugga-fugga-fugga.

Mr. & Mrs. Iyer

Him:

What do you say for goat in Tamil?

Me:

Aadu.

Him:

Oh. Then for cow?

Me:

Maadu.

Him:

Hahahahaha. Aadu, maadu, they're all saapaadu.

Tralala

Me:

Deta hai dil de, badle mein dil ke. Ghe ghe ghe ghe ghe...

Him:

Lesssssbian. What, it's funny. Gay gay gay gay gay... Lesssbian. You're trying not to laugh.

I Love You Too

Him:

All you bloody romantics, wanting to look at skies and sunsets. Pah. What is there in that. Sun sets every day.

Divine Retribution

Him:

(flicking an insect against a wall)

Look at the impact of that collision re, it's like if our car went and banged against a wall and bounced back. Watch, watch again.

Me:

God is SO going to ask you about this when  you're at the gates of Hell.

Him:

Arre! I'll ask God... if you and your wife are lounging around and I come like one tiny bloody insect and keep poking you tsch tsch karke toh what will you do bolke. Chalo maaf bolke God will forgive off.

Me:

(watching the insect)

Arre don't kill it!!

Him:

Of course not. That'd leave a splat.

Framed

Me

(watching him fit the protective plastic layer back over a photo frame)

You don't have to do that, the photo's already in it now.

Him:

I will. I bloody will. This will bow to my subjugation. 

PS: He did.

Deep

Him

(after reading a blog about life strategies)

I have a strategy for life too. It goes... breathe in. Breathe out. Then repeat.

Merde

Him:

Shayitzaaaa. That's German for 'Shit.'