Now Everyone Can Fly... Indeed They MUST.

Him:

I can't get a refund on the flight tickets to Bangkok.

Me:

But there's a national disaster there, we're not saying we'll cancel because we feel like it.

Him:

I know, but AirAsia still won't refund anything. They won't let us exchange them for credits either.

Me:

Ok... can we change the location to somewhere else?

Him:

Nope. We can't even change the dates without paying 12,000 more.

... Clearly the joke in this conversation is AirAsia's no-brains no-heart dogmatic policy. There's no punchline except that I'd dearly love to line them all up and punch them in the guts. Hard.

Edited: Subjugated them since. Change of dates, no loss of money.

Shift of Spotlight

 Me:

Grwwwl. Mrrphl. Whine. I need more sleep. I haven't slept properly in forever.

Him:

I know re. Tonight I'll stay up and put you to sleep, and then sleep.

Me:

Oh yes? How will you do that re? Lalla-lalla-lori, doodh ki...snore, snore, snore.

****

Him:

(looking through Facebook)

Oh, so this is her husband kya?

Me:

No that's just some guy she thought it'd be fun to pose for karva chauth with.

Him:

Arre. I just thought her husband looked different.

Me:

This is the same guy, V2. Post marriage version. 

****

Him:

(to a friend)

Chal yaar, let's go hiking in Eastern Europe.

Friend:

We decided to do that before we got married, then we all went and got married.

Him:

Toh kya, we can go anyway! They won't mind. (turning to me) By the way, baby...

Me:

Bye.
****

*****

Him:

That movie went on and on forever.

Me:

Yes. And then there was an interval!

*****

Him:

XYZ College is receiving the same number of applications... but it has more seats open. So now 4 out of every 10 people are hired. Imagine, quality and standards will drop.

Me:

Ok so I'm going to give it another two years and then apply. I'll be class topper. Companies will queue up to hire me. It'll be AWESOME. Oh hey, you know what we should do? Sign up to college together. We'll bitch about everyone else, compete to be at the top... it'll be so great. We can tell our kids we went to school together.

Him:

Who has the money to fund college for both of us re?

Me:

We don't have kids! Let's loot that money. Ok chalo, not XYZ college, but ABC college toh we can afford.

Him:

Haan. ABC college has some standard also.

Me:

Yeah snooty elitist pricks go there.

Him:

Haan but kuch toh baat hai unme.

Me:

Exactly! Just like us, basically.

*****

... And this is why I deserve my own blog. Because I'm just so much more profound.

What's In A Name?

Him:

Everything's fallen in place so fantastically.

Me:

What has?

Him:

The Wifi, the TV, the.. oh look, there's the guy who installed the wifi for us. I mentioned him and he came off in front of us. Let me see... Lara Dutta. 

(looking around) 

Where is she? Where?

The Sound of Music

Him:

(singing)

Mein saas leta hoon, teri khushboo aati hai.

And what an ironyyy, mera naak bandh hai.

...I'm a poet.

Pun Unintended

Him:

Used to get auto drivers in here and pray they'd start a fight. We'd be like ready to throw a few punches.

Me:

Must have been so disappointing when some just quietly took money and went no?

Him:

Yeah. Worst of all were the guys who'd say 200, then you'd say 150, then they'd say okay straight away. Kya bey, thoda fight toh maar lete. You think I'm mean, but you don't know. All these guys deserve to die. 

Me:

But you need them no bey.

Him:

No. They should be replaced by automatons.

Proposals & Disposals

Me:

Argh god, stop, enough, go away!

Him:

Yeah, should've thought of that response last year when I proposed baby. Tab toh it was all oh boohoohoo yes yes, I will marry you. Hahaha. Dekha? 

.... And yes, it has been a year already. Woot!

Of Husbands, Real & Imagined

(After inspecting an ice cream truck for three minutes)

Me:

Nahi re, I don't want ice cream. But can't not buy no after looking for so long.

Him:

Dekhne ke liye nahi lagte re, choone ke liye lagte... khaane ke liye lagte. Gawd. I'm too funny. Aren't you glad you married me and not some Iyer Shanmugan? He'd have had no sense of humor. His idea of a joke would be to come home and tell you all the email forwards he got that day. He'll try to pretend he made them up also. And I'll tell you his email address? CoolShan. CoolShan83@gmail.com.

Or maybe that would already be taken. So CoolShan07 then. All you Iyers, thinking you're James Bond.

Me:

Who had the martini last night re?

Him:

That's different. I can be James Bond.

Thus Proven

Me:

Do you've a crush on Natalie Portman?

Him:

No!

Me:

Seriously? Did you not watch Black Swan?

Him:

If anything Black Swan reinforced it. You're so beautiful.

Me:

You needed Natalie Portman to remind you I was beautiful?

Him:

I needed Natalie Portman in Black Swan to prove to you how much better you look. Man, I'm acing these husband dialogues.